My level of security / my reality in my relationship fluctuates with my mood. I tend to get upset, paranoid, or EXTREMELY anxious at times and then forget everything I should concretely know about my partner in a day. Example, last night I was just irrationally anxious, not just from an unfortunate circumstance with us, but from issues I was having with my roommate all day, being held socially hostage at an event I didn’t drive to, not enough sleep, etc. I assumed the worst was going on with my partner and sent them a really upset text. I then noticed I couldn’t calm down or do anything bc I kept checking my phone, so I turned it off trying to be healthy and clear my head. That back fired for a few reasons but the point is, I know I’m being unhealthy when my anxiety and irritability elevates and I do not know how to have those feelings without acting on them or letting them completely screw with me mentally. I feel unhealthy with the way I handle relationship stressors and don’t know how to self-sooth. My partner is near to perfect, so this behavior creates problems in our relationship and it’s all my fault. I need strategies of how to deal with this in a way that doesn’t include them so they aren’t hurt by my inner voice and also so that I’m not hurt by it. I can’t eat, sleep, complete tasks when I’m like this.
TLTR; I let anxiety get to me, act out or vocalize my worst thoughts and then create problems in my relationship. How can I be healthier with coping and not involving them in the process?