Dating and overcoming embarrassment of having been in an abusive marriage? : Divorce


I (27F, no kids) divorced a year ago. Marriage lasted a year before filing, dated for 5+ years. There were escalating control issues / emotional and sexual abuse from my husband over the course of the engagement and especially after the wedding; at that point, it also came out that he was dishonest about some dealbreakers, and was only willing to be honest after I was “locked in.” I eventually didn’t feel safe around him, and knew that I would not feel safe having kids with him. Marriage counseling didn’t help and he refused to discuss our relationship with his therapist. I worked with a therapist and a priest to make the decision to leave. As an aside, I don’t want to demonize my husband — I loved him, he had good qualities, and I was close with his family, but I did have some “gut feelings” before our wedding that something was off. I wish I’d listened instead of trying to work through them. Anyway, more details are in my post history.

I’ve done a lot of work, I feel good, and I’m considering dating again. I can explain and reflect fairly well what happened with my ex, if it comes to that point with a date/boyfriend. But sometimes I’m just so embarrassed that I was married to such an awful person! While he showed his true colors more strongly post-wedding, I still *chose* to marry an abuser, and I find it hard to reconcile that fact with seeing myself as a strong, intelligent, perceptive woman who had good marriage role models.

Would love thoughts from anyone else who has dealt with this. To be clear, I’m proud that I left (and so are my friends/family/therapist). I still feel awkward.



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An open minded personality.. fun to be with, because of my positive vibes. God fearing, for without God I am nothing.. Moved with compassion when dealing with you, not selfish or self-centered...

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