Ex suddenly broke up with me due to depression


I’m very new on this but I’m so glad I’ve found it as reading some people’s posts has helped me and made me realise im not the only one in my situation. I was with my ex for nearly 2 years, we’ve always done long distance which has never been a problem, we never argued or had any problems and we both believed we were each others soulmate. We’ve been broken up now for about a month and a half and it’s still so hard as we’d had a future planned and everything, and just like that it’s all been stripped away. It was very sudden, on the day i received a message saying we need to talk, we facetimed and I was told ‘I cant do this anymore, I love you but im not in love with you and its tearing me apart because I don’t know why I’m feeling like this, I dont know how I can love you but not feel in love with you’ and obviously my first thoughts were what have I done, is there someone else, why am I not good enough etc. I was assured none of the reasoning behind it was to do with me, I’d been more than perfect in the time we’d spent together, this feeling had literally just come over him that day and he hadn’t been thinking about it at all beforehand so it was literally a sudden change in his mind. I was really good about the situation but I was so confused, I felt like id been left in a black hole with SO many unanswered questions like why the sudden change, what has suddenly changed, have you done something you feel guilty about etc. The night before we were absolutely fine, we called and said we love eachother and stuff, we were going to spend the christmas period together (well the 5 days because of covid), that day or the day before we were talking about future plans so it was so bizarre that suddenly he didnt want that at all. I couldn’t sleep or eat for days after that as all of the unanswered questions were eating me up inside.

I asked to FaceTime again as I needed more answers so we did. This is the day him and me discovered he’s got depression and needs to go to the doctors about it. He’s never suffered with his mental health before so it had all built up and near enough exploded that day when he broke up with me but he was confused and didnt realise what had happened until a few days later. He’d concluded it had been building up since feb/march when COVID hit and his job became very stressful, with long hours, lots of responsibility and obviously worry. With the stress of that, mixed with trying to keep me happy, worrying about not seeing his family or me etc. caused all of this build up and unfortunately led to his depression. I now believe he burnt himself out with work so much that it developed into depression. He said he wanted to break up before the depression affected the relationship itself and caused us to end bitterly which was quite thoughtful and even though im in so much pain I know it was the best and right thing to do. We met up to give presents and talk in person about how he was feeling and the situation and things, I could see how unhappy he was, I could tell he wasn’t right in himself which was so sad to see. I gave him a letter when I saw him and he sent me one the day after. The letter was really lovely but also so sad, I could see where he was mentally with the things he wrote in the letter like ‘I never deserved you, I know you’ll be better off without me in the long run, I hope one day you can forgive me, ill hold the guilt of how ive treated you for the rest of my life’ and more like I can see how unhappy he is in himself, he doesn’t feel worthy of anything. He said me/our relationship was the only thing that kept him going sometimes, which makes me think if it was why let that go? But then again I know he’s got to look after himself and get back to being who he used to be. He doesn’t know who he is anymore which is a massive shame. He seems to think it’ll take him about 6 months to get back to himself again.

We’ve agreed to stay friends and have said we’ll meet up in June when I return from where I currently am. I want to message him all the time to check he’s okay but I know that wont help him with his situation now, im feeling lost without him as im so used to talking to him all the time via social media and text and filling my evenings with facetimes with him and now its all gone. He knows I’m here for him always with anything as we are best friends after all. I hope we do end up together again but at the moment I know its not possible, I know ive got to work on myself for now. He said he’ll update me with how he is as I asked him to because ill be worrying about him, so now its just a case for him to let me know how hes doing. The only positive out of this is the fact he’s acknowledged he needs to get help and has already booked something which is a step in the right direction. Everyone (including us) genuinely thought we were such a power couple that would definitely get married and do everything one day.

I’m still a bit confused about it all but I know it needed to be done as you have to put your own mental health first and look after yourself. I have hope for the future as there were no problems with us at all but who knows, what will be will be.

Any advice on this on how to cope/whether to contact them etc will be greatly appreciated! I don’t really have much knowledge of depression so any tips would be amazing.

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xandoblogs

An open minded personality.. fun to be with, because of my positive vibes. God fearing, for without God I am nothing.. Moved with compassion when dealing with you, not selfish or self-centered...

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