People have asked me if I would give different advice to gay women than I would to straight women. The short answer is no. The main difference is that any sexual problems can now be multiplied by two. Both people in the relationship might suffer from a pain condition, experience low desire, or find themselves having difficulty with arousal or orgasms.
With two women in a relationship, having good communication is useful when it comes to sexual concerns. You may have your very own built in support group where you can work with each other and discuss what you’re both feeling. This can be very helpful, but it can also create tension as you may have different ways of handling these experiences.
Debunking The Myths
There are a lot of insulting myths surrounding lesbian sex, the most persistent of them which I the “lesbian bed death.” The idea behind the myth is that because there is not a male in the relationship, this results in less motivation to keep the relationship sexual.
Well, I haven’t seen any data that has convinced me that this is true! On average, the frequency of sex between lesbian partners may be lower, but it’s not clear whether the sex lasts longer, is more satisfying, or devolves. In my anecdotal experience, men are more often the instigators of sex in heterosexual couples. But lesbian couples often have a higher desire partner and a lower desire partner, too. This situation can lead to the same issues that we see in heterosexual couples when a woman has a lowered sense of desire – and I recommend the same solutions.
Treatment for Sexual Dysfunction
So, what does this all mean? It means that physically, you will need to use your vagina to keep it flexible, moist and keep the blood flowing, just like a heterosexual woman. Even if you aren’t having sex with a penis, you should integrate a finger, dildo, or internal vibrators as a part of your sex life. As far as low desire or problems with arousal/orgasms, we really are all in the same boat. Luckily, no matter what your orientation may be, help is available. For information and guidance, contact us for a free phone consultation.