I feel religiously homeless and between the chairs of Christianity and Buddhism, what does a healthy conversion process looks like? : religion

Disclaimer: please DON’T try to convert me or nudge me in any direction, I‘m just asking about the process of converting, not, what religion I should choose.

Hi there,

So I am baptized and was for quite a while active in the youth community of my church. This summer I‘ve got mentally ill and had to do a therapy. And this helped such a lot! I processed through my feelings, I „felt“ my feelings, understood them but learned, that I am NOT my feelings. We had mindfulness training there and in one group therapy we had a reflection where out psychologist introduced the idea, that everyone is suffering in life and that we are connected by that. This and the question „so how I deal with suffering if it’s inevitable?“ really stuck in my head. I was literally blown away when I read about Buddhas teachings, that he not even thought about this very question but also claimed to found a way out of suffering. And the buddhist religion was so open! No problem with homosexuality, the demand to question your teacher including Buddha himself and the focus on technique rather than dogma. So I‘ve visited a meditation class. The first time it felt great so I learned and read and booked an intensive meditation training for a weekend. During the course, I suddenly felt … lost. Training the mind is hard, a lot of feelings are coming up. I wanted to have an all-mighty loving god, that saves me. In Buddhism there’s so much to learn and to practice, in Christianity god just loves you and he will always hear your prayers. And I like my Christian community, I personally think that a lot of religion is community, and it’s harder to find one in Buddhism. I enjoy going to mass, I enjoy having a ridged religious routine. There’s a lot to give up, especially the importance of the relationship with god. In Buddhism I‘m on my own. But at the same time, my experience at the hospital showed me: YOU have to deal with your sufferings. God is sometimes near and sometimes far, but you are always with you. And I experienced that you can train your mind, to bare all these sufferings you experience in life. And when I sit in mass and see people just pray to god I feel like: if god loves you, it doesn’t change anything if you pray or not. But what does change a thing is working with your mind and changing your perception.

So how do I mentally convert and how can I find out, which religion is something for me?

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An open minded personality.. fun to be with, because of my positive vibes. God fearing, for without God I am nothing.. Moved with compassion when dealing with you, not selfish or self-centered...

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