Rape, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Molestation DOES NOT Equal Mental Illness

Can you imagine a Grown Woman who was sexually assaulted as a child, is the product of rape, being told her that she is imagining it, it is her perception, she doesn’t know what she is talking about and it is all in her head? Now can you imagine that little girl being told the same thing by the Adults who were supposed to be protecting her, those same Adults who threw her under the bus, the Adults who abused her, trying to make it her fault, she wanted it, treat her like dirt, as an outcast, as a stigma, as a blight on their “perfect” family she never followed the scriptures and report it so it is her fault that a grown man kept on entering her room at night to do his disgusting deed in her mouth, a deed that she has to accept otherwise he would have done the same to her sister who was just a few years younger than her, a sister she had to be a Mother to.

One thing a Woman NEVER forgets, never perceives, never imagines, is the abuse she suffered. She will remember it like it was yesterday EVERY DAY of her damn life. So be VERY careful when you are going to tell that Woman that it is her perception, it is her opinion, it is her thinking that she doesn’t want to change.

That Woman does not deserve to be raped over and over again by the ignorance of people who REFUSE to be educated, who refuse to be loving, understanding, compassionate. That Woman now has a unique insight to how other women, children are feeling. That Woman NEVER had time to imagine things when as a little girl she had to be on high alert for the next fist that is going to punch her in her face by a father who was prepping them for more sexual assault, walking around the house with his genitals out of his pants, bring porn in the house for his young daughters to see. She had to be on high alert for the next fight that would have him attacking them, throwing books at her head that thankfully she ducked.

Now be in that culture where things are swept under the carpet and because she wouldn’t shut up, it made her a pariah amongst some of her religious members. It took religious member who were not afraid of anyone to really be there for her, acknowledge her and help her to start having a normal life. It took a lot of strength to walk away from a culture, traditions, a set of people who think that a woman who was raped, a child who was raped of their innocence is mentally damaged and so she should be ignored, locked up and not to be let out in Society.

I can’t believe that people still think like that in this day and age in what is supposed to be the age of education, Oprah, books by women and men who have gone through disgusting things. While those things can cause mental damage if someone does not get the help they need, THANKFULLY I received the help from people who NEVER accused me of lying, of perceiving things wrong and who helped me to start having a normal life of a teenager.

Every day, I am so thankful and happy that those people loved me, helped me to heal so those disgusting things would not destroy my life and my mental state. It is just disgusting that we are supposed to live in a progressive world and yet there are people who are still uneducated and thus are causing pain and damage to others because they cannot understand anything other than the small, surface things and thus causing damage to people’s psyche, people who have been working a long time to heal only to be majorly setback with such dangerous ignorance.

We need to stop the ignorance and learn how to help people and NOT destroy them just to force on them, rape them all over again and cause them to relive the horrors they are trying to heal from and put behind them so they can begin to thrive in their life and live a better life than the one they had experienced in their childhood.

As a Woman, I now have the ability to turn around and use my life, share my story to help other women and men who were abused and to even help parents recognize the signs of abuse and to love their children equally, spend time with them so that those children do not turn to the wrong people for love nor to set up those children for the wrong attention from anyone, whether it’s outsiders, friends of the family or even from family members.

Parents, do not pit your children against each other, do not show favouritism. Create a healthy, loving, open household and be open to your children being able to come and talk to you. You are not going to be able to watch your children 24/7, however, always have the door open so your children know you are their refuge and not their attacker.

Let your children know that they are loved. Hug them, kiss them, and spend time with all of them together and individually. Rape of a child’s innocence doesn’t happen to a certain race of people, only happen to other people and not you or it only happens in backward so-called, “Third-World” countries.

Always remember if and when your child(ren) is abused, IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR STATUS! Your children comes first. Take care of them first. This is NOT the time to be concerned about what the neighbours or members of your religion are going to think and how they are going to look at you. Screw them. As a father said to me once, “If anyone ever touched his daughters inappropriately, $%@@**k spirituality. They will not survive to see the next day”. Granted, I don’t advocate violence, but parents that’s how strongly you should feel about protecting your children and that is how strongly you should protect them.

I know of a woman whose daughter was being messed about by the Pastor and thankfully she had a good relationship with her daughter so the daughter felt free to come to her mother. The Woman got dressed on a Sunday in her finery and she stood outside the church door greeting all the Brethren’s and Sistren’s. She was way-laying the Pastor, who by the way has a daughter of his own. When the Pastor finally showed up, she allowed his family to precede him into the church but then she blocked his entrance still smiling at all those who were entering the church. She promptly laid into the Pastor and she told him in no uncertain terms that unless he wants to lose his hands, his private parts and other things, he was to never glance at her daughter or any other young Sister much less touch them. If he ever dares to do it again he will face a shaming in front of the whole Church. He never did it again to that woman’s daughter or anybody else. (Well hopefully).

So with all that, if you are a woman or a man or you know someone who experienced the above things, I hope with all my heart that you have been educated. I cannot stand the word “perspective”. I absolutely abhor it. It is banded about too much and is used to create doubt in people’s mind about things that are factual and not merely an opinion or ughh, a perspective. Instead, I prefer the term “being educated”. Please let those individuals know that the rape, sexual abuse was not their fault and it wasn’t their responsibility as a child to sacrifice themselves to protect others.

Let them know that they are not dirty, disgusting and unclean. Let them know that they are not mentally ill just because they were raped or abused and they should never give in to the thinking and belief that their life is over. Let them know that they no longer have to live their life in pain. They can FINALLY start to thrive and when they become strong enough, they can help others to heal and rid themselves of guilt and shame and they will never again allow anyone to run their lives, their thinking and their belief about themselves. Never insult their intelligence and make light of what they went through by telling them, “oh, it’s because you were abused why you let that bother you or why you think that”.

We need to stomp out those ignorances. Sexual assault does not render a woman unintelligent, stupid, paranoid or backward. Instead, it makes them sensitive to the pain of abuse in others and they will not tolerate any kind of behaviour that will only serve to damage her. That does not mean you need to walk on eggshells around such a woman. If you respect her, then there won’t be any need for eggshells.

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Source by Trudy-Ann Ewan

xandoblogs

An open minded personality.. fun to be with, because of my positive vibes. God fearing, for without God I am nothing.. Moved with compassion when dealing with you, not selfish or self-centered...

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