Secrets to Commitment in a Relationship – Loving Yourself

Are you familiar with the word,’guddle’? Well, neither was I until I read ‘Echo in the Bone’ by Diana Gabaldon. Apparently, for the ignorant among you, it is placing your finger in the anus during the act of making love. It also means messy; alluding to excrement. So, the Outlander series is really one of my favourite series of books because they are so real. No fairytale romance, just slog, dirt and daily problems but with a love so absolute that it transcends all of that.

Taking that it mind, then I guess it’s no surprise that ‘guddling’ is part of their lovemaking. It makes me wonder though, whether it is possible in real life to become so close to someone that even the potential messiness of this act, and more, is just another part of the day.

When I watch TV series that include sexual acts in a modern context (cougar town comes to mind), it always includes a lot of showering and shaving of body parts and exercise. No one seems to just do it anymore. When I contrast this with Jamie and Claire, thrusting fingers in each other’s nether regions, totally unbothered by cleanliness, or odour or potential mess…I cannot help but be envious of the level of intimacy they have managed to achieve.

The only thing that consoles me is that they are not real. But is it possible I wonder, in real life, to be that intimate with another human being? We have no problem with nakedness in my tiny household, well, no more than pro forma protest anyway; and I know this is unusual, especially in the Kenyan setting. Still, there is no significant other to disapprove, and I know that makes a difference. Yet I cannot imagine possibly touching another’s excrement, in the interests of intimacy. We always want to appear at our best in front of a mate, or potential mate; but that means denying a part of our very nature. We are creatures who produce waste. We sweat, we spit, we pee, we excrete stool. These are the facts.

In sex and the city television series, Carrie Bradshaw once said she went an entire weekend without doing ‘number 2’ because she was at a new man’s apartment. Really ladies? We have to pretend we do not have normal bodily functions to sustain a relationship? Perhaps that is why there is so much divorce these days. With so many unrealistic expectations encouraged at the beginning of a relationship, it is bound to be a shock when these two people finally get to know each other, and discover that…why, you are only human! Then the feet of clay crumble beneath you and the relationship is ground to dust.

So, perhaps we should take another look at guddling, and make it part and parcel of our daily lives, as well as other, less savoury aspects of being human like snoring, spitting, farting, falling, bad hair days, pimples, broken nails, haemorrhoids, halitosis, broken virginity, excreta. Embrace it ALL! It is part of you.

Source by Annemarie Musawale


An open minded personality.. fun to be with, because of my positive vibes. God fearing, for without God I am nothing.. Moved with compassion when dealing with you, not selfish or self-centered...

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