Sex education: it’s more than putting condoms on bananas.
Let’s start with the top 10 reasons you should have sex before marriage:
1. If feels good.
2. It gives you the chance to try someone out without committing to a relationship.
3. You can learn how to be a better lover.
4. You can brag to your friends.
5. You’ll be more popular.
6. It’s a sign you’re grown up.
7. Everybody’s doing it.
8. There’s no apparent risk.
9. Your parents don’t need to know.
10. You’ll feel loved.
Sounds like great advice, doesn’t it?
But what if I said those are exactly the same reasons you should not have sex before marriage?
1. If feels good – at a price. Ever notice how every pleasure comes with a price tag? Eating sweets may cause weight gain. Drinking alcohol may cause drunkenness. Doing drugs may get your arrested. What’s the price of having sex before marriage?
2. It gives you the chance to try someone out without committing to a relationship. Do you want to have sex with someone who is just trying you out, to see if you’re good enough?
3. You can learn how to be a better lover – for someone else. Essentially by definition this is using a person you don’t really love for the theoretical benefit of someone you might love in the future. Though you may learn something about the act of sex, since you’re not practicing true loving, this cannot make you a better lover.
4. You can brag to your friends. People brag about things and accomplishments, not about how much someone loves them. Do your friends brag about how much their parents love them? Bragging is all about yourself, not the person you love.
5. You’ll be more popular – but with whom? The other guys who want to have a fling? The other girls who want to show off?
6. It’s a sign you’re grown up – and therefore responsible for your actions. If you get pregnant, that’s your baby. If you get an STD, that’s your body that will be injured.
7. Everybody’s doing it. If everyone is doing it, then there is no leader, just a senseless pack. Do you want to follow someone who has no idea where they are headed?
8. There’s no apparent risk. But what about the inapparent risks? People still get pregnant using condoms. They still get STDs. They still suffer heartache, rejection, loneliness. Are you sure enough of the outcome to take a chance?
9. Your parents don’t need to know. Odds are, your parents love you more than anyone else in the world. Odds are, you love them, too. Do you want to be in the position of lying to them? How do you feel when someone lies to you?
10. You’ll feel loved. That’s just it. You’ll feel loved – but you won’t be. Someone who really loves you will respect you and wait for you. Saying no to sex is a test of love in itself. If someone says you don’t love them unless you have sex with them, that’s sufficient proof they don’t really love you. And doesn’t this sound like what your partner wants is to be loved, rather than to offer love? Don’t you want someone who loves you back?
As a physician I’d much rather prescribe wisdom than birth control pills or STD treatment. Do yourself a favor and think twice before offering your precious body to someone who may only be looking for a moment of pleasure.
Copyright 2010 Cynthia J. Koelker, M.D.